Do these sound familiar?

~ I often avoid speaking up.

~ I usually don't express my true feelings.

~ I avoid conflict at all costs.

~ I have a hard time saying "No."

I work with a number of people who have boundary issues. They find it difficult to limit their time with others, have trouble saying no, and often feel their lives are out of their control.

What’s their biggest obstacle to saying “no”? In my opinion, it is their belief that it would make them a bad person. People pleasers see themselves as good people, as someone who doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Human rights are important to them. They would never dream of disregarding others.

However, that is precisely what they are doing to themselves. They disregard their need for personal time, their anger, or their needs for conflict resolution, and they believe this is somehow the kinder thing to do.

As my pastor once said, “Avoidance of conflict is not peace. The avoidance of conflict is false harmony.”

If you have trouble saying no, here’s a challenge for you: Practice saying no in three small ways this week. Say no to the other student who asks to copy your homework. Say no to taking another volunteer duty on top of your full schedule. Say no to a friend who wants to meet when you had scheduled another event. Remind yourself that you count, too.