This week I am calling on all control freaks!

I have a friend who's a self-described control freak. I must admit, when she says, "I just like to be in control," I think "who doesn't?" If I am being honest, I don't really like surprises.

Control is a feeling that many of us are drawn to. It helps us know what to expect. It makes us feel we have mastery over environment. We exert control to try to feel calmer, confident, and free from stress.

However, as you might've guessed, there's a healthy and unhealthy way to exert control . We are all familiar with the control freak who tries to direct everyone's behavior, who has to choose the movie, who has to choose the restaurant, who cannot tolerate traffic, who has to have the last word, who has to be the one to break up first.

These are not the easiest people to have relationships with. And, they are actually less in control than they believe. In fact, the irony of being a control freak is that exerting constant control over your world makes you less and less able to tolerate changes. Surprise occurrences make you feel increasingly flustered, angry, stressed... basically, out of control!

An easy way to assess whether your desire for control is healthy or unhealthy is to ask yourself: "Do I want to control my environment or do I want to control myself?" Only one of these leads to true peace.

Striving to make your environment exactly what you want always leads to disappointment. Striving to be able to handle your environment no matter what gives yourself a huge sense of control.

This Week’s Challenge : Look back at your notes from Week 1 on when you are most stressed. Find a situation/environment in which you have little or no control, such as traffic, a grouchy coworker, a distasteful task. Now, practice exerting daily control over your internal reaction during those times, rather that controlling or wishing you could control, the external. For example, find a podcast/audiobook to enjoy during your commute. Imagine a bubble or calm boundary around yourself when your grouchy coworker starts up, and refuse to take on that person’s attitude. Give yourself positive credit for tackling your distasteful to-do list, ticking off each item as you go in a small celebration. Lastly, learn the power of saying, "Oh, well" when things aren’t as you would like them to be.

This Blog is part of a multi-series piece called Stress Management 101. See the Blog section for previous entries.

I'd like to hear from you! Feel free to add your comments below. Remember, in order to protect your privacy, I recommend using a pseudonym instead of your real name.