As I sit here in my office, my favorite Christmas CD is playing in the waiting room. It fills me up better than a plate of warm snickerdoodles. It really does! I hope all of you reading this are finding some simple joys this season.

Of course, I know many are filled with pain instead. The holidays can bring up family dynamics, financial concerns, and grieving loved ones whose places at the Christmas dinner table are palpably empty.

I want to share with you my best tip for happily surviving the holidays. Because, the good news is, much of our pain and turmoil is avoidable!

First, be on the lookout for the thoughts of dread . They sound like this:

I hope little Jimmy doesn't throw a tantrum about his presents like last year.

Will Aunt Carol get drunk and embarrass us again?

I'll never be able to spend enough time with this side of the family without making that side of the family feel slighted.

I don't want to miss Dad this year; maybe I won't think about the fact that he is gone.

I just want everything to be perfect for the party/dinner/gift-giving/etc.

Next, apply my best tip to the dreaded thoughts: Adjust your expectations! If little Jimmy is never happy, odds are he won't be happy. If Aunt Carol has been alcoholic for years, she will probably get drunk. If family tends to compete with each other for your time, you will probably disappoint some, or several, family members. If you are grieving, it is normal and it can be expected that you will be sad during the holidays. And, that is OK - you can deal with all those things and still have some joy, too.

Last but not least, all will NOT be perfect. It never is. Perfection is not a quality of human beings. So give yourself a gift this year and really strive to let go of perfection as a goal, in yourself, as well as in others.

Expectations and goals that are realistic are the key to a happy holiday. They take the pressure off you and your loved ones and might just allow you to enjoy the simple peace and comfort that you can find around you right now.