Jeanne Latiolais, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Everyone wants to be happy.
Everyone wants to be happy. It is such a strong driving force and yet an elusive state and concept. I just returned from a conference on the habits of happy people and wanted to share some of what I learned -- key factors that distinguish happy people from the general population of folks.
One of the most striking observations at the conference is that humans are generally pretty inaccurate at predicting what will make them happy! Ask the average person what would make them happy, and frequent answers focus on the “if onlys” – if only I had more money, if only I were young again, if only I found the right person and started a family. Yet, Dr. Ronald Seigel, a researcher in this field, points out that those who have children and those who are wealthy do not report higher levels of happiness than the average person. And, despite our tendency to overvalue youth, research on happiness and aging demonstrates that older people generally report more happy moments in their lives that younger people do.
So what do happy people have that the rest of us want?
The answer is… nothing! Focusing on a “have” misses the whole point. What research has found is that happiness is not associated with people who have more. Happiness is associated with people who enjoy more. Those who display gratitude, and who remain positive and hopeful despite life circumstances, demonstrated the most overall happiness. Happy people are more resilient when life hands them hardships. They are able to remain calm, to regulate their emotions, and to have hope when things are tough.
Another surprise: Think you need more “me” time to be happy? Wrong! Happy people are more likely to be engaged in activities that help others. They also tend to be engaged in jobs, relationships, and outside interests that closely align with their personal values.
So I’d like to hear from you. Does this description of happiness match what you see in your own life? What are the qualities of the happiest people you know? Do they have the most or do they make the most of what they have? Comment here. For the protection of your confidentiality, you do not need to leave your real name. Even Initials or just a first name in the "Name" field of the comment form is sufficient.
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I like this blog. But does'nt it take a lot of energy to be happy and want to be around people? I wonder sometimes if being unhappy and depressed is a disease of energy production. What came first, the depression/unhappiness or fatigue. in any case,having more 'me' time is not the answer.
2. Dr Latiolais said on 2/26/15 - 03:46PM
Agreed - One of the symptoms of depression is low energy. As such, depressed people rarely "feel like" doing many of the things that would make them feel better. As hard as it is, I encourage them to do it anyway. Don't wait to "feel like" going to the movies, exercising, visiting a friend, or volunteering. Get going and do it - undoubtedly you will feel better afterwards than if you sat around the house.
3. Not Tony said on 2/26/15 - 05:20PM
The following quote is usually attributed to Abraham Lincoln: “I have noticed that most people in this world are about as happy as they have made up their minds to be.” I think there is a lot of truth in this. In many ways, happiness is a decision. Also, the happy people that I know are happy 'from the inside.' It is clear that, while they usually have plenty of friends, they are very good friends with themselves, encourage themselves and enjoy their own company.
4. tremelle campbell said on 2/26/15 - 05:27PM
Yes. someone said that very thing to me recently. I was just doing some research on depression, and came across the different types. One disorder that really caught my attention, was melancholia. I saw some art work that dated back as far as the 1600's that was titled 'melancholia'. But the information wasn't clear as to this being a type of depression or a disorder in its self. Was just wondering which it was. One last question, and it may sound like a conspiracy type question. In your experience in the field of phycology, do think, to a degree, that people are convinced they are depressed by the medias in order to sell drugs? There was an experiment in a small country in Europe, where the controllers advertised pain meds for back pain. The conclusion was, people began to have more back pain than ever before. I didn't get this off the net, heard it on a talk show years ago. Thanks.
5. Dr Latiolais said on 2/27/15 - 11:08AM
Not Tony - I love that quote! Thanks! Tremelle - Yes, there is a disorder called Dysthymia or Dysthymic Disorder, that is a type of low-grade depression that lasts for years rather than months. In regards to your question about the pharmaceutical industry - Many advances in our field have enabled us to diagnose and treat problems that people used to just have to suffer with. However, there have certainly been "bandwagon" diagnoses through the years and "bandwagon" drugs, and a tendency on the part of pharma, health professionals, and consumers to overpathologize. However, I have been even more amazed by the public's tendency to be seduced by the idea that taking a pill will solve all. Medications can be quite helpful, but we also know that 70% of all mental and physical illness is due to personal habits and lifestyle.
6. JudiphJ said on 2/28/15 - 10:46AM
One point in this discussion really hits home with me. Happiness is what you let it be and I think the happiest people are the ones with a positive attitude and they are able to find pleasure in whatever they are doing. If you enjoy life, wouldn't it follow that enjoyment brings happiness? No drug is going to make you appreciate the little things that can make your day! You need to be open to ideas, gestures,and words from others, as well as yourself….words of encouragement!
7. JoM said on 2/28/15 - 05:16PM
Thank you for this one. When I remember gratitude, to be grateful for all I have, I feel happy! Like an old friend use to say: "Have a good day if you decide to."
8. D Bear said on 3/19/15 - 12:59PM
This particular blog subject speaks to me. Adjusting to a new life in a new place and leaving my home of 45 years was difficult. I have to add that I still haven't completely recovered from being homesick. For anyone else to whom this boy speaks, I recommend reading "Who Moved My Cheese. The following site provides a summary of the book. business-book-summary.blogspot.com