He’s typically the breadwinner and decision maker for his family. He’s called upon for everything from being the “heavy” in discipline, to doing the heavy lifting on home maintenance. The pressures men face are unique, challenging, and yet too often overlooked. Stress affects men both emotionally and physically, causing issues like anxiety, high blood pressure and sleep problems. So, while she goes out for a girls night, what does the average guy do to de-stress?

Don’t “John Wayne” it! I have male clients who would never dream of taking antidepressant medications, but who also don’t take the time to make lifestyle adjustments for emotional balance. Something’s got to give! I recommend trying out several ways to unwind, then choosing one to do weekly. Think of this as your medicine. I have three general suggestions:

1. Draw boundaries around your work. Sure, the modern workday is longer than it used to be, but does it always have to be? Checking email at 10pm is more often a habit than a necessity. Develop rules around your work life, and have distinct clock-in/clock-out times whenever possible. This is even more important for men who work from home.

2. Think active relaxation. While women find stress relief in a bubble bath, a long chat over coffee, or journaling about their feelings, most men recoil at these suggestions. True, I do have some male clients who will attend hot yoga, meditate, or consider getting a manicure. But they are not the majority.

Men tend to be more active in their problem-solving approach, and their response to stress should reflect this. Think projects, outdoors, or exercise over vegging out on the sofa. A long walk with the dog, a round of golf, or woodworking are good choices.

In my practice, I sometimes encourage men to think back to activities they enjoyed as a boy, as that can spur ideas. Did they make up games, explore the woods, tinker with cars? Did they like loud groups or prefer quieter pursuits, like fishing, drawing, or reading murder mysteries? Of course, as adults these might need to be modified to fit into a busy lifestyle, such as listening to recorded books on a long commute, or pairing interests with Dad duties (coaching baseball, teaching your child to fish/camp). For more ideas, check out a previous blog I wrote on Addressing Your Fun Deficiency.

Don’t rule out volunteering – most of us feel tremendously rewarded after doing something to help those in need, and more able to put our own concerns into perspective. I also recommend combining friend time with something you had to do anyway. Meet a buddy at the greenway for a run, or ride together to a conference.

3. Watch out for coping strategies that come with side effects! Many quick-and-easy ways to unwind actually cause more stress in the long run. More TV and more screentime leads to isolation and a sedentary lifestyle. That evening drink to unwind is actually a depressant – and even though you think it helps you fall asleep, studies show alcohol actually decreases the quality of your sleep , making you feel less restored in the morning.

Demand more out of your coping skills - they should decrease your stress now, and have positive side effects, like weight loss, better relationships, and a feeling of calm confidence over your busy world.