Are you feeling beat by comparisons? It's completely socially normal that we gauge our success relative to others. After all, we are social beings! It's important for us to be part of the group, not just because we want to be popular or have the most "Likes" on Facebook, but because we truly need each other for our survival.

A taxing habit. It's important to realize that few habits give us more anguish than the hundreds of comparisons we make daily. Do we earn less or have less fun than our friends? Do we wish we were more popular at school? Do we look fatter than other people at the gym?

Even when we find ourselves better off than others by comparison, the feeling of pride doesn't last. There's always someone who can run faster, earn more, or tell better jokes to the opposite sex. The reality is that keeping mental score takes our eyes off a more important goal.

So what's the antidote to comparison?

I believe it starts with a good understanding of who YOU are. Good self-esteem means an accurate self-appraisal, including all your strengths and weaknesses. What are your sources of pride? And where do you want to grow? Develop your own internal measuring stick, and check back in with yourself frequently to see how you are doing. Maybe you' ll notice an improved focus at work, but maybe you have been less present with your friends. Where are you in your spiritual journey? How is your health relative to a year ago?

These are the comparisons that lead to growth, not anguish; a recognition of strengths, not feelings of inadequacy; happiness, not jealousy!

Here's a challenge for you : Think of three ways that you tend to compare yourself to others. Now, what would you like to focus on internally instead?

Please add your comments below. Remember: In order to protect your privacy, please use a pseudonym instead of your real name.

Comments:
1. Judy M said on 3/19/15 - 04:26PM
3 ways I compare myself to others...appearance, quick mental reactions, living the way we've been taught through our religion. How do I stack up? On a scale of 1-10 I would say I am about a 6. Not horrible, but lots of room to improve. My appearance, I am working on with your help and guidance. Quick menta reactions, well I'm afraid that is a skill I will never be able to achieve. I find myself trying to fake a reaction a lot so no one will know I usually don't know what is being discussed. Dumb, I know, but that is how I deal with deafness and heavy duty drugs that I've taken for so much of my life. Ah, the wicked side effects of modern day medicine! Religious effect on my everyday life...I always feel I want to do better in this area. Not guilty because I don't, but I wish I could follow the Ten Commandments much more thoroughly than I do. I've come to the conclusion there is a lot of space to fill there! You hear "spread the word of God". I don't do that because I feel religion, whether you believe in God or not, is a very private and personal thing, and I refuse to push my beliefs onto others. Yet I need to stand up to myself and ask if I am living my life the way I believe. I don't, which kind of makes me a hypocrite, don't you think?
2. Jo said on 3/20/15 - 10:55AM
I have my two lists and already I feel better about myself. I realized how petty I was. This blog made be return to your last blog. It is tied together. Thank you, Dr. J. It is good to work on "self."
3. Dr Latiolais said on 3/20/15 - 01:50PM
Judy - I don't think it makes you a hypocrite. I think it makes you a human! We are never perfect, only striving. Thanks for your comments. Remember to treat yourself with kindness!