There's someone who needs your attention. Someone values your approval more than anyone in the world. Someone has not heard anything positive from you in a while.

Before you dial your mother, wait! It's you!

You need to be your own best coach. It may sound silly, but giving yourself positive feedback and encouragement is an important skill in being successful. This is a skill that contributes to success in sports, in business, in school, in relationships, and anytime you are trying to change a habit. Yet, this simple skill is often neglected.

Think about it. How do good coaches shape behavior? Do they grumble and groan, call the athlete a ”total idiot,” and give praise only when he or she hits a home run? Of course not! Good coaches find a way to point out mistakes non-judgmentally, and capitalize on strengths. Their positive words help the athlete believe they can achieve more. Good coaches use a few key words to describe a piece of technique (such as “elbows up!”), and then reinforce correct execution with positive, immediate reinforcement (“Yes!!”) when the behavior occurs. Then, a coach will move on to adding the next small part of the technique.

Does this mean you become conceited, overly boastful, or tell yourself everything you do is great? Of course not. Constructive feedback acknowledges your strengths without discounting your weaknesses and encourages you in areas you need to improve. This is the basis for healthy self-esteem – a realistic appraisal of oneself.

So, take the next week to practice being your own coach. Talk to yourself in an encouraging way . Use specific feedback and targeted encouragement, such as "good job being assertive", or "I'm really glad I said 'no' to that cookie!" Try to keep your self-talk concise, motivating, and immediate. I'm convinced you will experience improved mood, boosted confidence, and faster habit change just by paying attention to the attitude with which you address yourself.