Often I get questions about how to help someone who is depressed. Clinical depression is a condition that requires a host of interventions, including medical, behavioral, and psychological tools. However, for the common blues, don't feel helpless - there is much you can do to lift the mood of your friend, spouse, and yes, even your teenager!

Unfortunately, most of us are not very good at dealing with other's moods.Maybe you don't know what to say. Many shy away from those who are down, assuming they might make the mood worse. Many people hold an irrational belief in "emotional contagion" - the idea that talking about emotions makes them somehow spread. Some are at a loss for dealing with their own emotions, thus feel completely like fish out of water when friends have a tough time. If any of these describe you, read on to find easy-to-remember tips for being a help to someone else.

1. Go There. Ask questions! Most people skip this simple step. When a friend is sad, we often rush to "fix" it. The emotionally savvy friend, however, will figure out what exactly is wrong first. There is no way you can know the fix before you know the problem. Ask lots of questions and get your friend talking. What are they feeling, and why? What started this mood? What are any associated fears? Your goal is to truly understand his or her feelings before you do anything else. Oftentimes just allowing the person to vent is very therapeutic. So, take the risk: Go there!

This may sound like a minor, insignificant act, yet it is anything but. Interestingly, numerous studies on therapeutic effectiveness used lay counselors to serve as the "placebo" therapy, while experienced psychologists ran the "real" therapy sessions. Many of those studies found patients feeling significantly better just after being heard by the professionals and non-professionals alike. Since the beginning of my career, I have been struck by how many people have no one who truly listens to them. Much processing can be done just by the act of putting emotions into words while sitting with another human being.

2. Get It Once you know what a person is feeling, reflect that feeling. Let him or her know that you get it. Put the emotion into words, especially if they are having trouble and cannot. For example: "You're angry at your boyfriend, but you also feel hurt. And now you are regretting trusting him." Offer empathy and compassion. Show that you understand the feeling. Even if you don't agree with his or her assessment of the situation, find a part of it you can relate to. It is truly helpful for a person who is down to feel as though someone else cares enough to "get" them.

3. Give Once you are sure that you understand, and you are sure your friend understands that you are on his or her side, then and only then would I advise offering encouragement, advice, or any of the typical optimism-inducing attempts that we usually rush to make first. This is also when you can offer to take her out to coffee, or meet him for a run later. Some people truly will want alone time, and that is OK too. If you were a good listener in Step 1, you will probably have picked up on what your friend most needs in order to bounce back.

So remember - Go there, Get It, Give . In that order. You will not only build a person up, you will be building up your relationship.

And, never underestimate the power of a willing ear !