Blog Post

Emotion Phobia
Jeanne Latiolais, Psy.D. • Oct 12, 2017

How avoiding feelings is robbing you of your life

Most of us know feelings are important, that they have a place and a purpose. However, we all have emotions that make us feel uncomfortable. Certainly, my practice is built on helping people gain cognitive control when facing the overwhelming emotions brought on by such disorders as panic attacks or OCD.

Yet, more and more in my practice I notice the irrational fear of emotions. Sometimes during the course of therapy it becomes evident that a client has the hope that they will never feel anxious again, or that their grief will be gone. They fear the emotions of others too, and avoid, for example, the friend who is going through a divorce. They often become experts at concealing their emotions and present an always-sunny demeanor to the world to mask (to others as well as themselves) what they are truly feeling. Any emotion can be uncomfortable, and so their focus becomes avoiding them. They typically believe others cannot handle emotions either and go through excessive lengths to keep their loved ones, especially their children, from experiencing normal ups and downs. Though it is not an actual clinical term, I have come to think of this as Emotion Phobia.

As with any phobia, avoidance is a hallmark. Avoidance both momentarily makes one feel relieved, while long-term it exacerbates the problem. Confusion in life can result as a person becomes more and more distant from what they truly believe, feel angry about, or need. Relationships suffer, as people find it difficult to be close to someone who alienates their feelings.

But it is coping with and coexisting with our emotions that is the goal, not the elimination of emotions. Fear, loneliness, anger, and frustration are all a part of life and each has purpose.

A recent article by Harvard Mental Health looked at studies of those who accept, versus deny or denigrate, their emotions. Not surprisingly, those who were able to acknowledge their own bad feelings were more psychologically healthy in the long run.

My advice to Emotion Phobics: Begin to retrain your brain to recognize that emotions are simply bits of information . They add to your understanding and should be considered, not feared. They are as important to us in choosing a spouse, a house, or a career as many other logical, practical considerations. Emotions should not rule us, but they should not be relegated to the trash bin, either.

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